we’ll finally find the home we were searching for
we’ll write our initials in rock formations on the mountains
just like the cities we drove through
with so much, much more freedom than here
than these east coast constraints could ever compare to.
but do you remember that Philly porch panic attack
and the late night talks on the balcony?
well i’ve been finding comfort spending the day time in bars,
watching how people in these cities act,
watching you play pinball arcade games while i put my legs up and relax.
i’m finally realizing that home, it doesn’t have an address.
but do you remember cherry cheeks on Chicago nights
and the late night talks in other people’s living rooms?
pick out a postcard, we’ll send it in the morning.
but do you remember sleeping sitting up and the late night talks
in all the states we’ve been in?
i’m finally realizing that home, it doesn’t have an address.

One day you’ll be married and you won’t have to feel dirty purchasing pregnancy tests from convenient stores with your best friend.
Oh, I was your best friend once walking down the isles picking out baby names.
Yesterday I found pictures of you sitting in your underwear, a middle finger to your mother and a fuck you to your father.
There’s a flag on my door frame, there’s a sweater on the floor.
There was a time that you once loved me, but we both know that’s no more.
Were you sure, are you sure?

ive been more depressed than ever lately. the lack of sleep, over eating, chain smoking and worst of all the awful thoughts are so bad lately i don’t even know what to do any more. worst of all i have to tell it to no one on a blog because i have no body to tell this to in real life because i will just feel like a burden. i really don’t see how i can continue to live every day like this for years and years. it’s so uncomfortable.

the motions of ordinary love.

A glance back, the small of yours, on the sink where I set your glass
A hand that rests there flat
A moment retracts and the recognition that you give
When you shift position, move your hip slightly in
We say nothing then out loud and that’s what feels the most profound

And I watched you in that apartment somewhere from across the room
But it’s all a haze I remember vaguely lights then staring there to you
It’s the slowest days by the bathroom that somehow never seem to go
Where I watched you put your make-up on
The smallest sounds leave the clearest echoes

All the motions of ordinary love, I know, I know

too many flowers

coming up all at once

too many lupins

soaking up the summer sun

hey whatcha doing

when you get off of work

id like to meet up with you in the water foul park

and we take a walk on the boardwalk and

walk the walk that lovers walk

stop when we find the windiest spot

joke about the time you broke my heart

too many flowers

soaking up the summer sun

too many flowers

an you so cute yo wanna stop and smell every one

too many golden afternoons

too many broken beer bottles lying in the ditch

too many mosquito bites

you said if i didn’t scractch that they wouldn’t itch

its so hard to show restraint when I’m hanging out with you

i feel like i can do whatever i want to 

like if i stop right here

i could each out and touch the moon

theres too many flowers woah-oh

dig our holes a little deeper so the sun won’t wake us up

stay asleep you little dreamer trying not to mess this up

we found out loves just a myth far too perfect to exist

did you ever believe it im kicking myself over this

pressing reset just in time still regretting every line

faded pictures never taken triangles i left misshapen

spending hours in your basement tv’s sitting on my floor

phone calls left us wanting more i lent you a month away

for your feelings to retreat back to oceans, paper air planes

all i have is this ceiling covering my hanging head

so sure its not romantic but all we knew was static

you could fucking go home with me me and you could fall asleep

just close your eyes maybe we can still exist in memory

we can still be dreamers hollowing our messy minds

if we can learn to be sleepers hoping love will come with time

my mind’s full of minotaurs chasing me down these narrow halls. 
i am a civil war, i’m an ink blot stain, i’m days away 
from where we want to be; 
lying on my bed falling asleep back at my place, suburban New Jersey.

we laid there like an open wound you commissioned to his wrist.
he couldn’t handle when you said "i’m just not feeling this.“

everyone is out of their fucking minds but then where does that give me the right when im colored in outside the lines?

now you’re staring at me when you should be staring at your feet.

reconcile, come back home and stay awhile.